I need to admit I haven't made up my mind on whether this theory is a joke or if it has legs
have always felt that I've had to "earn" love. I realized this was not a default when I heard about a few friends' childhood experiences. Some children are viewed through a golden lens from birth — they're holy cows, perfect by default. Others are seen without this special tint — they're water buffaloes, ordinary by default. Cows and buffaloes are largely similar - milk-producing herbivores with different paint jobs.
Everything Holy Cows do is exceptional. Their flaws are endearing quirks, their struggles are temporary setbacks.
Water Buffaloes on the other hand have it harder. Their achievements need to be proven and are constantly compared, often to Holy Cows. They need to earn validation - frequently and often.
From the water buffalo's perspective, the arbitrariness is maddening. They see themselves in the holy cows — similar achievements and similar struggles. Yet they don't get the benefit of that golden perception.
I think this distinction shapes entire personalities. Holy cows often develop natural confidence while water buffaloes learn to constantly prove themselves. Holy cows take risks more easily, and water buffaloes become more resilient (but at a cost)
This framing also affects a variety of factors: self-perception ("Am I inherently worthy?"), risk tolerance ("Will I be forgiven if I fail?"), life choices ("Do I deserve to pursue what I want?") and relationship styles ("Do I need to earn love?")
It's remarkable how many people can quickly categorize themselves into one of these buckets. I'm not sure which is better.